Getting an ADHD diagnosis, or recognising ADHD in yourself, can feel like it should be a relief, and for many people it is. However, that relief can also come with a lot of mixed feelings, such as grief, anger or regret about how things could have been different, opportunities that might have been missed, or how relationships might have unfolded differently if things had been recognised sooner.

Growing up with ADHD can often mean years of masking and compensating for difficulties. From the outside, it may have looked like everything was being managed, while underneath it takes a huge amount of effort to keep things going. Over time, these ways of coping can be exhausting. They can also leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, ashamed just by being the way you are, or with a constant sense that whatever you do is never quite good enough.

Looking back through the lens of ADHD can therefore involve more than simply having an explanation. Experiences that were previously understood as being too much, too sensitive, disorganised or not trying hard enough can be understood differently. There may be relationships, opportunities or choices that you look back on differently now, as well as years of internalised criticism or shame that doesn’t just disappear after a diagnosis.

Over time, some of these experiences can become part of how you feel about yourself. You may have come to expect criticism, feel that you are somehow always getting things wrong, or believe that you need to work harder or prove yourself in order to be good enough. It can become difficult to know what you actually need when you have spent a long time adapting, masking or trying to meet other people's expectations.

Therapy can offer space to explore the emotional and relational impact of these experiences. It can help us understand some of what has been internalised along the way, and how this may still shape the way you see yourself, how you relate to other people and how you respond to difficulties that are in your life now.

A neuroaffirming approach

I work from a neuroaffirming approach, starting with your individual experience of ADHD. This means making room for the parts of living with ADHD that are difficult, without those difficulties becoming a judgement about who you are. We can explore how your experiences have shaped the way you understand yourself, including what you may have learned to hide or compensate for and the expectations you have internalised along the way.

Working together

I work integratively, which means that we can adapt how we work according to what feels most important for you.

At times, we might talk through past or present experiences and make connections between them. At other times, we may work more relationally or use body-oriented and somatic approaches to notice what happens emotionally and physically in the present moment. There may also be times when developing new skills or finding different ways of responding to difficulties in everyday life are useful. The work is collaborative and can change over time depending on what you need from therapy.

I do not provide ADHD assessment or diagnosis. You do not need a formal ADHD diagnosis to work with me.